Day 159: Blind Date

The usual online dating sites gave Jeannie wimp after wimp after wimp. Flaunted smiles and self-adulation, they annoyed the hell out of her, and she decided to try a more unconventional site. Something with real culture.

Curious Companions seemed like a good place to get it. The members were guaranteed citizens, but from all over, so she signed on. Her mini-bio said, ‘I’m looking for a nice guy who is completely different in every way.’

She got a number of hits, but their profiles were typical and boring, so she bided her time.

On her third week a profile without a picture paged by. She brought it back and studied it. His name was ‘Gray,’ and the only thing his profile said was, ‘I love to fix dishwashers.’

It was the manliest intro she’d seen so far, so she clicked the ‘hello’ button.

A few days later she arrived at TGIFs about a half hour early to consider how she would introduce herself. Jeannie was a species of human that was extremely rare today—she was a good girl, and she wanted to be open, but not give the wrong impression.

She had tried to write a profile reflecting her disposition, but she had a hard time saying it directly, coming up with meandering ideas about boys and girls finding true happiness through wholesome activities like playing cards, going for walks, and cow tipping.

So she sat in a booth thinking of ways to introduce herself.

“Hi. I’m Jeannie.” Doesn’t say much. “Hi, I’m a good Catholic girl named Jeannie.” Ugh. “Jeannie’s my name, and chastity’s my game.” Oh, boy. “Hi, I’m Jeannie, and I’m looking forward to a nice friendship with you.” Harrumph. That’s not standoffish at all.

An extraterrestrial straight out of the Close Encounters movie walked in. He strode up to her table, a black and white picture of Bob Marley on his red T-shirt. He bowed and said, “Nice to meet you. I’m Gray.”

Jeannie stared.

Gray sat down tentatively. “I always get this. I know it’s strange, and I’ll leave if you want, but I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”

“Hi. I’m Jeannie, and I’m looking for… war… um. Hi. I’m…”

He smiled, which seemed comforting and terrifying at the same time.

“Let me make this easy on you.”

“Easy?” Her voice was weak because she forgot to inhale.

“I’m not looking for anything serious right now, I just need a companion to go with me to official functions and guide me through the sticky wickets of human culture. Some of it will be a little stuffy, but I think it will be pretty interesting and fun most of the time.”

“What kinds of functions?” asked Jeannie.

“United Nations galas, diplomatic gatherings, dinner with the president of the United States. That kind of thing.”

Jeannie wrinkled her brows.

“Of course, we can do things on our own, too. We can play cards, take walks, and maybe fix a dishwasher or two. I’ll treat you with the greatest respect. How’s that sound?” he asked.

“It sounds…” Jeannie smiled. “Manly.”


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